No, I'm not here, but...
For the next week you can watch on the BBC i-Player the greatest stand-up of his generation, Stewart Lee, taking Derek Bailey as his specialist subject on Celebrity Mastermind.
This sounds like the product of a random Thompson's Bank Cultural Phenomenon Generator, but on this occasion I promise it's really not.
Also, a superb, barnstorming post from Lyn Gardner at the Guardian blog. "I want theatre to demand more of itself and more, much more of me." Impossible to imagine a better spirit in which to start the year.