December 1st: Muppets
Welcome, one and all, old and young, rich and poor, tall and dwarfish, foreign and domestic, vegan and murderous hypocrite alike; welcome, slackers and Stakhanovists, radical queers and sticks-in-the-mud, of all sixteen Myers-Briggs personality types and of none. Welcome everybody to the pine-scented, lametta-bedecked, perilously sixpence-concealing Thompson's Bank of Communicable Desire Advent Calendar for 2009.
Each and every day between now and Christmas Eve, an aural window will be opened onto the Controlling Thompson's Mobility Grotto, whence a marvellous winterval tornado of seasonal soundfiles will be heard emanating with all the grim festive inexorability of other such contemporary yuletide phenomena as spray-on mistletoe and Nog-On-A-Stick. (Caution: may cause polychromatic laxative effect.)
Most days, you can expect a little mittenful of songs (sometimes a bit more), glued together with the near-arbitrary goo of thematic or generic resemblance. Today, we begin, as all good Christian folk should, with a consideration of the true meaning of the season: videlicet, the Muppets.
A couple of tracks from the classic Christmas album that the googly-eyed fuzzmeisters cut in 1979 with that fingerpicking quintessence of fill-up-yer-senses-like-a-night-in-the-forest wholesomeness, John Denver, bookend a much more recent erotic chestnut from Miss Piggy, and an insistent Sesame Street doo-wop fantasia from 1984.
This is not the last you'll hear from the Muppets as this calendar slowly sheds its toxic load over the coming weeks. But hopefully it's the perfect way to begin this pointless and yet curiously laborious exercise. Enjoy, my co-conspiring muppedophiles, and I'll see you here again tomorrow for something completely different.
1 John Denver & The Muppets: The Twelve Days of Christmas
2 Miss Piggy: Santa Baby
3 The Sesame Street Doo Wahs: Counting the Days
4 John Denver & Rowlf the Dog: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas